For the kind information of all Bengalureans

FOR THE KIND INFORMATION OF ALL BENGALUREANS

1.    Power supply is likely to be interrupted on account of maintenance works being carried out on the supply lines somewhere or the other. Our maintenance department is in the dark on account of no prior knowledge. Hence please kindly understand and adjust and be in the dark for a brief period.

2.    Water supply is also likely to be interrupted on account of maintenance works being carried out on the river. The river has been diverted to flow up instead of down for the duration of the maintenance works. Hence please understand, adjust and be without water for a little time only till the river is refilled.

3.    There will be copious amount of rainfall all over the city. This has been specially requested and arranged for our citizens by us as a token of our commitment to providing uninterrupted supply of something at least. However, please note that the falling rain is not under our control and, as such, we are not responsible for any sudden change in the intensity from drizzle to torrential or from torrential to trace.

4.    Collection and disposal of garbage is likely to be affected on account of trashing of all earlier resolutions made by us and snail-like progress of ongoing talks with the kind people of the neighbouring villages who are reluctant to allow their villages to be used as dumping grounds. Our negotiating department which is clueless so far is hard at work trying to figure out what to do and will revert very soon with ideas. Until then, we request you to keep your garbage to yourself, bear the stench and bear with us.

For any garbage-related help, please contact your nearest help-scenter.

5.    Mobile telephone and internet services may be affected on account of no power supply.

6.    Landline telephone services are already affected on some account or the other so we are not announcing it again.

7.    Potholes may re-appear on the roads. Please watch out. We are neither responsible for their appearance nor their re-appearance.

If you find any pothole stretch of more than a kilometre without any road in it, please report to the nearest help-hole.

8.    Mosquitoes have been instructed not to appear in any populated areas but to buzz off. Any mosquito found violating this order will be caught and have its wings chopped off by our Wing Chopping Wing. Meanwhile, we are working on a plan to re-locate all mosquitoes to a special zone created exclusively for them and talks are on in this regard.

However, if you do notice any pesky pest creating nuisance, please mark the spot, identify the culprit and report to your nearest pest help centre.

9.     All other services will function normally.

Your nearest friendly neighbourhood help centre and our help lines have been set up specially for your assistance. However, we do have to warn you that, due to reasons beyond our control, you may find the help centres closed and the help lines not reachable, in which case please bear with us.

We wish you a Happy Deepavali!

A Colourful Dilemna

A Colourful Dilemna

So what colour will it be today? That question was troubling me since early morning and I was in a confused state of mind as I got ready to leave for office. I had had a long weekend with Friday and Saturday being holidays, but now it was time to get back to work. And here I was, undecided about the colour.

For a moment, I ventured to consider Red. Normally I wouldn’t even give a thought to Red, but it was part of my collection and on rare occasions I indulged in it, so I had to give it a chance, albeit a token one. Red was loud, a colour to be wary of, a colour that would stand out like the dickens and would refuse to simply blend in. No, I decided, Red wouldn’t do, at least not today, not at work.

My thoughts moved on to Turquoise. Now here was a vibrant colour, if ever there was one, a colour that made me think of the Mediterranean and of Zorba; a friendly, bright colour that made me smile broadly. But I did not want to smile broadly today; I wanted to look stern and businesslike. Turquoise may be a bright option but Turquoise was not the right option.

From Turquoise to Green was a natural progression. Green had a certain mysticism, a magnetism, a power to draw the eye towards it, a power that could captivate. Green, it would be, I thought for a moment. Or would it? I dillied. I dallied. I stood first on one foot, then on the other, trying to coax my mind to say yes to Green. But my mind was a silly thing with a mind of its own. It did not give Green the green signal. So, out of the reckoning went Green. I was back to Square One, my mind still not made up.

Square One seemed to be made up entirely of some black substance and it made me see light. Black was my all time favourite colour. I always liked to say that Black lent character to any character who leant towards Black. Black unequivocally conveyed the impression that I was upright, straight. Ergo, I was leaning towards Black when I realized that I had been leaning towards it all of last week and the week before that too, so much so that I had begun walking in a slant and tall buildings began to look like leaning towers. It dawned on me that Black was leaning on me a bit too hard. I shook all thoughts of Black away from my mind and decided to look for some other colour.

Briefly I flirted with Violet, but only briefly. Violet was, well, Violet and too royal for my liking. I must confess that now and then I like to think of myself as the man who would be king and go all Violet. But today I would be a commoner and, er, no thank you, no Violet today. Thanks but no thanks.

If Violet was too royal, then Brown was too earthy. Did I want to be earthy? Not me. Who on earth wants to be earthy? I may be a commoner today, but I was not an earthy commoner. That’s a bit too common. Hah! No brown for me, sahib!

Thinking of royal made me think of Blue. Now here’s a colour that was good for royalty and yet was common enough for commoners, a colour that was easy on the eye and did not draw any attention towards itself. But after a moment’s hesitation I discarded blue. Tcha! No easy-peasy on the eyes-pies for me.

I was beginning to think I may not be able to go to work when I was struck squarely between my eyes rather hard by the realization that I hadn’t given a thought to a good old colour which had enough royalty, a good dose of uprightness, oodles of character and, if you look carefully, even a bit of friendliness around the edges. There it was, sitting right in front of me all along.

With deep reverence I pulled the bottle of Blue-Black ink towards me and, gingerly opening my fountain pen, filled it triumphantly. I was ready to go. In fact, I was raring to go! No horses could stop me; no chains could hold me back. Office, here I come, armed with my favourite fountain pen filled with my favourite Blue-Black ink.

© Shiva Kumar